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Forum Index : Other Stuff : shut up brain!
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CaptainBoing Guru  Joined: 07/09/2016 Location: United KingdomPosts: 2075 |
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| Rudge Newbie  Joined: 11/09/2019 Location: AustraliaPosts: 9 |
Just what I needed. Going back to bed now, 5.00am! |
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| Davo99 Guru Joined: 03/06/2019 Location: AustraliaPosts: 1578 |
Describes my every night only with regrets and sad memories. My feeble mind never stops tormenting me or ever shuts up. |
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| CaptainBoing Guru Joined: 07/09/2016 Location: United KingdomPosts: 2075 |
yep... pretty much of my adult life also... on the upside I have solved a few problems this way including a largely successful plan for ditching a particularly obnoxious female  "The more I get to know people, the more I love my dog" Edited 2020-10-08 17:25 by CaptainBoing |
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| Davo99 Guru Joined: 03/06/2019 Location: AustraliaPosts: 1578 |
I was with my wife for 9 years, 8 months, 3 weeks and 4 days before we got married. My life was a sh*tfight then too full of grief and misery and even from a young age, I knew I didn't want to go through a Divorce. People ask why I waited so long and I tell them I wanted to make sure. They think it was me making sure about her, it was me making sure about my own self and decision making and wondering if she'd wake up and go find herself a Decent bloke before she made a mistake. I tell her all the time she could have done so much better. I don't know how the fk she has stayed married to me almost 30 years. I feel I brought a lot of my family jinx and tradgety on her. My father says we are Jinxed and I think he feels it has carried over and involved her as well. I can never complain about my Mrs, I choose well and she was certainly the one that got the short end of the deal taking me on. She has her traits and isn't perfect but be a looong time before I have anything to bitch about. I remember a couple of times after the worst period of our lives a couple of nights where I found perfect, although fleeting Clarity. I found calm and peace which I never had before or since. I understand what people say about that even though I only experienced it a couple of times briefly. I knew it would be gone when I woke up and it was but kooky as it sounds, was like an out of body experience and I'll never forget it.... or probably have it again. Most nights my brain never stops with stupid petty sh*t, grief and anxiety. I stay up till all hours till I am falling asleep where I sit because it's bad enough when I do sleep, let alone Lying there thinking of things that never stop haunting me. I must try getting Drunk some time. Maybe passing out would help? Never been drunk in my life yet. Was involved in a clinical test once and I have an almost immunity to alcohol. They thought my first test was flawed so they got me back for another one and I was less affected and drank more on that one. One of the people doing the testing got sh*tty because she thought I was cheating. Dunno how you cheat sitting in a room Drinking their decent plonk, answering questions, doing Puzzles and being breathalysed? been given a lot of pills over the years. Some help a little but seem to make thing worse when you wake up... or you feel like a zombie. Do they make cradles that rock really big babies? |
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Gizmo Admin Group  Joined: 05/06/2004 Location: AustraliaPosts: 5078 |
I've developed a sleeping problem over the last few years. 10 years ago I had no problem sleeping, but these days not so good. It goes like this. I need to be somewhere in the morning. Cant be late. Feeling tired, time for bed. Starting to doze off, brain says "Oh good, I can feel myself falling asleep  ", which wakes me up a bit.  I can lie there like that for hours, on the edge of falling asleep. If I do doze off, the sleep is so light my unconscious wakes me up. Repeat. Last time was a few weeks ago, I had to drive to Mackay for business for a few days, a 1000km drive. Now I could leave at any time, but no, the cat and dog had to be at the kennels by 9:30am, and that was the trigger. That night I did not sleep at all. Fortunately I got a 2nd and 3rd wind on the drive to Mackay, some how stayed alert the whole trip, but I slept like a log once I got to the motel in Mackay. If I dont need to be anywhere by a certain time next morning, I fall sleep ok, usually within 15 minutes. I live with it by not arranging a time to be anywhere. I'll get there when I get there. It works, I sleep. It sucks. Glenn The best time to plant a tree was twenty years ago, the second best time is right now. JAQ |
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| Gizmo Admin Group Joined: 05/06/2004 Location: AustraliaPosts: 5078 |
I tried a tall glass of scotch once, got drunk, but didnt sleep. Recently I've taken a liking to white wine, and notice it puts me to sleep, so tempted to try a glass before going to bed if I think I wont sleep. Same here with sleeping tablets, next day I was a zombie, so never tried them again. Glenn The best time to plant a tree was twenty years ago, the second best time is right now. JAQ |
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| CaptainBoing Guru Joined: 07/09/2016 Location: United KingdomPosts: 2075 |
I think I know what you mean - a few years back, in a dream,I experienced something I termed "bliss". I have never really experienced a level of complete happiness like it while waking - life always seems to intrude on things. Yes I have been very happy while conscious but this was something very weird that seemed to emanate from my gut. Only lasted a moment and I tried to pursue it, without success, in the dream. I also experienced some weird thing at the point of going under where my right hand "felt big" just an od sense of "crunchiness" and bigness that also seemed to well-up in my throat simultaneously. I put it down to mis-firing of neurons as I went under. I find that at the point of dozing, you can have really weird bizarre thoughts and images that if you wake and analyze them fairly quickly they are complete rubbish. I know the Freudian model of the brain is antiquated and questioned now-a-days but it fits for me that the conscious super-ego (which applies balance resulting in the conscious actions) is becoming dormant and so the random BS of the nerves firing in my brain (interpreted as imagery) goes unchallenged. Perhaps this is why people take drugs - to tap into those sensations/capability. It's evidently there in me but not something I can access willingly. I wonder what unborn children see in their dreams as clinical observation suggests they do. Edited 2020-10-09 19:11 by CaptainBoing |
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| Davo99 Guru Joined: 03/06/2019 Location: AustraliaPosts: 1578 |
I have had that for a long time. Since a very traumatic experience 5 years ago Its gotten way worse. I try to sleep 2 nights before or during the day before I have any commitment because I know I won't sleep the night before. Mind goes nuts and I don't sleep a bit. I'm sure it's a good amount of anxiety as well. Before, friends used to say " Nothing worries You, Bullets just bounce off you." Now I'm pretty much the complete opposite. The sound of an alarm in the morning literally makes me feel sick to the stomach when I hear it and I can feel my heart start pounding. I often have to take a minute to calm myself and make sure I'm not going to throw up. Usual after a few minutes when I'm getting ready to do whatever I have to I'm fine but that first thing.... Not talking about major commitment here, it's any commitment at all even like going and having Coffee with a friend. Total non pressure deal but.... Gives me the Heebejeebes. At the same time I'm such a pathetic woos, I have also lost pretty much all my fear. My patience and temper has not improved and combined with whatever it is, lack of good sense mostly I spose, I fly in where others in their right Minds wouldn't tread. I also take a lot of risks I once wouldn't have dreamed of. Kinda think well If I'm meant to be here I will and if I'm not or my times up, being "safe" isn't going to change that. Working on live DC solar cables doing 600V @ 11A will keep you awake that's for sure.... or permanently asleep. I'm careful but not safe or worried. I have ripped into people or groups of people doing the wrong thing and stood up to them when they were, younger, Bigger, fitter and by all accounts, should kick my arse to kingdom come and back. For some reason, That does not worry me a Bit. Yeah, going to a friends place for lunch will make me anxious but taking on some gorilla deadbeat, Meh! There was a young gym Junkie type earlier this year that came into my fathers business and was being a smart arse. Actually I thought Dad must have known him because that's how he and his friends carry on. Then for whatever reason, guy thought he might try a bit of stand over and got bloody rude. I realised he wasn't a friend of dads and he didn't know I was in the back and I came out like a wounded bull and told the guy and his mate to get the hell out before I took them apart. At first they gave me some threats back till I got virtually nose to nose with the guy and said I'm right here smartarse, Have your go or get to hell out before I throw you out. Honestly, I expected the guy to drop me like a sack of spuds. Instead, he turned walked off and from what he thought was a safe distance, made a few comments. I walked after him asking what he said, come tell me to my face, and the guy and the ( skinny) mate literally started jogging/ running to the car. I was still walking after them and as I came closer, they locked the doors. I stopped in astonishment more than anything else. I thought there are 2 of them, they are half my age, obviously gym junkies that either work out a lot or are on the gear and they are running from a fat old fart like me? I couldn't believe it honestly. I said to my father, did you see that? He said what, where they mouthed off and then ran away when you followed them? I said yeah! What the hell is the matter with these people? Had they taken me on I would have respected them a lot more than them running away. that was just Bizarre! Maybe they can tell I'm not wired right or something but I couldn't believe they would act so tough then when stood up to by a fat ol fart run to their car and lock themselves in. Dad said to me that Night, what got into you today with those blokes, you took bit of a chance didn't you? I said yeah but I can't stand that any more and I rather get put on my arse than do nothing. Isn't the first time this has happened. I'll get knocked on my arse for sure one day but boy will it be over due. People have no self respect or self pride these days! I don't go looking for trouble, I think I put up with more than I should but sometimes that just seems to encourage some people till they cross a line and and you do loose your Patience. A friend of mine is very calm and non confrontational even when he is pushed. I have been with him a few times and stepped in when people tried walking over him. He says he wishes he was more like me. I said I wish I was a lot more like you. Probably if you put us together and averaged us out we'd be right in the middle where we should be. One minute I'll virtualy be in tears hearing some sob story about a lost kitten or something, the next I'll be taking on a bunch of Lebbo builders that are dropping crap all over the car in the driveway and not put off in the least. I have thought it was going to be game on well and truly a few times over the last 5 years but whether people just see I'm a nut case or not, they always back down when I don't. That doesn't worry me but lying in bed at night thinking of all the regrets and things I should have done tears me up. Mrs often says to me before she goes to work, " what are you going to do today?" sometimes even answering a nothing question like that gets my heart rate up. Yeah, I have seen shrinks, didn't do me any good at all. I also learned not to even have a script filled till I look up the MIMMS to see the side effects are of the poison they have given me. Had some less than great experiences with that before. Mrs always asks me whats wrong when she can read me getting uptight over stupid things but I'm too much of a coward to tell her. What's the point? I give her enough to worry about, she doesen't need anymore. Maybe one day i'll get over my PMS or whatever it is but in the mean time, I'll try to commit myself to as little as possible. |
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| Davo99 Guru Joined: 03/06/2019 Location: AustraliaPosts: 1578 |
I guess this must be what people talk about when they talk about clearing their minds with meditation and the like. Unfortunately I'm far too close minded and Pig headed to even allow myself to give that any credibility for ME. Might work for others but I'm way too black and white and matter of fact. The only time I have ever been able to do what they talk about clearing your mind and relaxing or concentrating was when I used to competition Pistol shoot. Even then I used to laugh at myself. I used to shoot the hand cannons and with all that mayhem going on around me and even being hit by flyback and getting stung from being at an indoor range, I was so in my happy, calm, peaceful place. It didn't worry me, I felt " at home" and more calm and relaxed than with anything I have done ever, even lying in bed! I would literally stand there smiling, taking it all in, getting more relaxed and then I'd pick up whatever I had, blast away and did really well at it. The bigger and louder the competition, the more I liked it. I was a good shooter particularly on the big stuff. Just did not worry me seeing fire balls and hanging onto something that was kicking your hand as if it was someone boot laying into you and feeling the sounds of everyone elses gun going though you with the sound. I think that's why I did well at it because what distracted everyone else, I just felt so relaxed with. I fell calm even thinging of it now. I have never understood sports like Golf and snooker where everyone has to be deadly silent so the players can concentrate. What about the guy Kicking the ball or throwing a Javelin or something where everyone is a stadium of 20K people that are all going off their tits and making all the noise they can? These "everyone has to be silent" types are big sissys! :0) If you even hear what's going on around you, you are NOT concentrating. If I thought I could get that feeling back with meditating or drugs or whatever I'd probably give it a go but I don't. I have no clue what it was that brought it on, a religious friend said it was god but unfortunately, I'm not a believer in that either. I know damn well he has a lot better people to save than my worthless arse! I can also relate well to what you say about the time when you are going under. I call that being half asleep. I'm sort of asleep but can be concious of what is going round me as well like dreaming but hearing and understanding the mrs is turning off lights or putting the dog out etc but I'm still having me dream. I get into some really detailed discussions and arguments in my head and go down the most far fetched roads very seriously arguing with myself posing as someone else in my head about things till I seem to wake up again and think what a load of crap that was! On a few Very rare occasions I have actually solved problems and though of answers or work arounds to things. I make sure I write them down though because no matter how clear they seem to me at the time, If I don't write them down there is no way in hell I'll remember. When I do write them down, they are always good solutions to things I have inevitably been trying to find a work around or a fix for some time when I look at them in the morning and then they seem very clear. Sometimes that half sleep can be relaxing. Crazy as I am, during this half sleep time which I have a lot, over time I have dreamt I have taught myself to fly progressively. I started imagining it like I was beginning with short prolonged jump basically and then dream of myself concentrating and over time I can pretty much do what I want. It's a dream I have had MANY times and feels like learning anything else. I still dream I have to concerntrate to get in the air and practice what I'm doing so I can feel it as I would learning other things like water sking etc. It's quite a real sensation and one I have repeated often although though not for a while come to think of it. I know I'm dreaming and I can wake myself when I want but at the same time, it feels incredibly real and comfortable. I feel relaxed but I'm probably wound up like a spring in my feeble mind. Much better than the nightmares I have that leave me depressed for days sometimes. Maybe I should take up drugs or booze, least then I'd have something to blame all this on other than just being a fruitloop! |
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